Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Beached - a work in progress
Last edited 25 January 2007
The day after her 35th brithday she just stopped leaving the house. It was that sudden, my aunty says. I was only three then, and I didn't really notice what had happened to start with. But the fact of the matter is that I've lived for more than half of my life now with my mum refusing to go outside ever for anything. That's the fact of the matter, my aunty says.
At the weekends she mainly just watches the telly. She likes Friends. She says that one day she's going to have a happy ending like Rachel and Ross. She says that they had all kinds of trials and tribulations and that the path of true love never did run smooth. But if you just hold on and believe then you'll get the happy ending that you deserve.
I'm not sure what a trial and tribulation is. I think it might be the sort of thing that has made her sit on the sofa and not want to see the sky or the outside any more for five years, though.
I'm eight now. She's going to be 40 in one week's time. I wish I could remember what it was like before. I've got a photograph in my room of her pushing me on the swing in the park. It's really sunny and we're both smiling. I'm only little in the picture. I wish I was little again. I think I can remember being with my mum in that park because I can remember that I liked the slide in that park too.
It would be too cold to go to the park today, the snow's coming down outside. It's the first time I've ever seen snow. Mum says it always used to snow when she was little. Sometimes school would be closed - you had to listen to the radio to tell you. And sometimes her dad would take her and her friends to the park by his house and they'd ride down the hill, through the snow, sitting in black bin bags. She says her dad used to pick her up when she got to the bottom of the hill and pretend that she was a big bag of rubbish that needed putting in the dustbin.
Mum says the snow outside today isn't deep enough to do that. But I know she wouldn't take me to the park even if it was up to my shoulders. She'd say: "Wait for your aunty to come round. She can take you to the park." I love my mum very much. But I wish it was like it used to be, like in the picture.
I love my aunty too. She says that she's got a plan to get my mum off the sofa and back living her life again. She says it's not my mum's fault that she's got this way. She says she's got a broken heart, that she's always had a broken heart. Even when she was little like me. When I asked her if my mum has had a lot of trials and tribulations she laughed a bit. My aunty doesn't laugh very much.
My mum is really pretty. She's got long dark hair and her eyes are all sparkly. I would say they are a greeny-brown colour. Mum says that's called "hazel". My eyes are blue - like my daddy's, my mum says. My friends used to come and play after school, but then one day I heard them laughing at my mum and saying that she's fat and smells funny. I don't let anyone come to my house now. I like to go and play at other people's houses. She didn't used to be fat. In the picture, in the park, she has got a flowery dress on - it's got big yellow daisies on it. Yellow is my favourite colour. Her arms are all brown and, my aunt says, she had the best legs in town. My aunty says "pair of pins", but I know that it means "legs" really. My aunty says that I shouldn't show the picture to mum because it will make her sad. But I wish she would look at it, because I would like her to see how beautiful she is. ¶ 1:46 pm
The day after her 35th brithday she just stopped leaving the house. It was that sudden, my aunty says. I was only three then, and I didn't really notice what had happened to start with. But the fact of the matter is that I've lived for more than half of my life now with my mum refusing to go outside ever for anything. That's the fact of the matter, my aunty says.
At the weekends she mainly just watches the telly. She likes Friends. She says that one day she's going to have a happy ending like Rachel and Ross. She says that they had all kinds of trials and tribulations and that the path of true love never did run smooth. But if you just hold on and believe then you'll get the happy ending that you deserve.
I'm not sure what a trial and tribulation is. I think it might be the sort of thing that has made her sit on the sofa and not want to see the sky or the outside any more for five years, though.
I'm eight now. She's going to be 40 in one week's time. I wish I could remember what it was like before. I've got a photograph in my room of her pushing me on the swing in the park. It's really sunny and we're both smiling. I'm only little in the picture. I wish I was little again. I think I can remember being with my mum in that park because I can remember that I liked the slide in that park too.
It would be too cold to go to the park today, the snow's coming down outside. It's the first time I've ever seen snow. Mum says it always used to snow when she was little. Sometimes school would be closed - you had to listen to the radio to tell you. And sometimes her dad would take her and her friends to the park by his house and they'd ride down the hill, through the snow, sitting in black bin bags. She says her dad used to pick her up when she got to the bottom of the hill and pretend that she was a big bag of rubbish that needed putting in the dustbin.
Mum says the snow outside today isn't deep enough to do that. But I know she wouldn't take me to the park even if it was up to my shoulders. She'd say: "Wait for your aunty to come round. She can take you to the park." I love my mum very much. But I wish it was like it used to be, like in the picture.
I love my aunty too. She says that she's got a plan to get my mum off the sofa and back living her life again. She says it's not my mum's fault that she's got this way. She says she's got a broken heart, that she's always had a broken heart. Even when she was little like me. When I asked her if my mum has had a lot of trials and tribulations she laughed a bit. My aunty doesn't laugh very much.
My mum is really pretty. She's got long dark hair and her eyes are all sparkly. I would say they are a greeny-brown colour. Mum says that's called "hazel". My eyes are blue - like my daddy's, my mum says. My friends used to come and play after school, but then one day I heard them laughing at my mum and saying that she's fat and smells funny. I don't let anyone come to my house now. I like to go and play at other people's houses. She didn't used to be fat. In the picture, in the park, she has got a flowery dress on - it's got big yellow daisies on it. Yellow is my favourite colour. Her arms are all brown and, my aunt says, she had the best legs in town. My aunty says "pair of pins", but I know that it means "legs" really. My aunty says that I shouldn't show the picture to mum because it will make her sad. But I wish she would look at it, because I would like her to see how beautiful she is. ¶ 1:46 pm
